Introduction / W.D. Howells -- Preface / The author -- The story of a speech -- Plymouth Rock and the Pilgrims -- Compliments and degrees -- Books, authors, and hats -- Dedication speech -- Die Schrecken der deutschen Sprache -- The horrors of the German language -- German for the Hungarians -- A new German word -- Unconscious plagiarism -- The weather -- The babies -- Our children and great discoveries -- Educating theatre-goers -- The educational theatre -- Poets as policemen -- Pudde'nhead Wilson dramatized -- Daly Theatre -- The dress of civilized woman -- Dress reform and copyright -- College girls -- Girls -- The ladies -- Woman's Press Club -- Votes for women -- Woman-- an opinion -- Advice to girls -- Taxes and morals -- Tammany and Croker -- Municipal corruption -- Municipal government -- China and the Philippines -- Theoretical and practical morals -- Layman's sermon -- University Settlement Society -- Public Education Association -- Education and citizenship -- Courage -- The dinner to Mr. Choate -- On Stanley and Livingston -- Henry M. Stanley -- Dinner to Mr. Jerome -- Henry Irving -- Dinner to Hamilton W. Mabie -- Introducing Nye and Riley.

Dinner to Whitelaw Reid -- Rogers and railroads -- The old-fashioned printer -- Society of American Authors -- Reading-room opening -- Literature -- Disappearance of literature -- The New York Press Club dinner -- The alphabet and simplified spelling -- Spelling and pictures -- Books and burglars -- Authors' Club -- Booksellers -- "Mark Twain's first appearance" -- Morals and memory -- Queen Victoria -- Joan of Arc -- Accident insurance-- etc. -- Osteopathy -- Water-supply -- Mistaken identity -- Cats and candy -- Obituary poetry -- Cigars and tobacco -- Billiards -- The union right or wrong? -- An ideal French address -- Statistics -- Galveston Orphan Bazaar -- San Francisco earthquake -- Charity and actors -- Russian Republic -- Russian sufferers -- Watterson and Twain as rebels -- Robert Fulton Fund -- Fulton Day, Jamestown -- Lotos Club dinner in honor of Mark Twain -- Copyright -- In aid of the blind -- Dr. Mark Twain, farmeopath -- Missouri University speech -- Business.

Carnegie the benefactor -- On poetry, veracity, and suicide -- Welcome home -- An undelivered speech -- Sixty-seventh birthday -- To the Whitefriars -- The Ascot Gold Cup -- The Savage Club dinner -- General Miles and the dog -- When in doubt, tell the truth -- The day we celebrate -- Independence Day -- Americans and the English -- About London -- Princeton -- The St. Louis harbor-boat "Mark Twain" -- Seventieth birthday.